She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
