Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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