did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
