I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
