Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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