and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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