she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
