i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
