if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it hurts more in the daytime
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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