I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
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And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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