If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
