if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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