ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
