I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
