peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
