U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
