there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
