I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
