He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
