is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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