I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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