I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
