I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize