hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
