The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
