someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
