So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
