at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
