hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
