I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize