Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
