Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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