Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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