do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
