I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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