I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
