Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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