i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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