there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
