I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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