So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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