There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
