he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
