Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
third nipple confirmed
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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