Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
