ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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