I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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