we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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