yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
