to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
