i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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