I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
