I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bring me that man meat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
