I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
