I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
