Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
