We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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