are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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