she woke up with a sticky ear
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
