why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
