I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
