that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
