The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
