I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
