You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
