so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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