you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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