I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
