Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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