Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
