Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
birth control should be required to get into college
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
