he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
