i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
