what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
