am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
