do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
