i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
