There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
