Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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